A great idea usually dawns on me slowly. I see it, I’m amazed, then it retreats to some back part of my brain.
It’s like when you open the car door and an important piece of paper swooshes straight out and dances across the parking lot. Every time you get close, slow down, reach out, and nearly pinch your fingers around it, the wind carries it a teeny bit further.
It’s like when your friend finds it hilarious to pull the car forward five feet every time you are about to grasp the door handle.
Important realizations are often like that for me. I know it. I see it. I want it. I just can’t quite grasp it. In and out we go. Sometimes I lose sight of the idea all together. I know I forgot something really important.
It’s not totally my fault. I have persistent short-term memory challenges. A couple decades of research reiterates what many people who struggle with long-term post-traumatic stress say – that they experience everyday memory retention issues around content that is emotionally neutral. It is so pervasive for me, I have developed myriad tricks to live productively.
Anyway, that was a rant inside of a rant and nothing so far has covered the primary topic of the big idea I had that I lost. Big ideas CHANGE me. I don’t want lose them. When they start to fade before I can write them down, I get a gut wrenching feeling.
“What was it,” I say to myself. “It was important and I know it.”
Then I have a quick internal conversation, like this one.
“Okay Pam, get to the point. You’ve explained the process of how something dawns on you three times over without talking once about what actually dawned on you.”
I reply to myself, “My point exactly! This is why it is so hard for me to keep ahold of a new, big, important idea. My brain is forever on a mission, sorting through a million ideas. It’s like trying to hold onto a single raindrop in the palm of your hand, in the middle of a rain storm. Just when it appears I got one, my hand fills to the brim. The ideas never cease.”
“Okay, okay,” I say to myself. “I get it. But what was the big idea? WHAT DAWNED ON YOU?”
“I don’t know. I honestly forgot...”
Pamela Say is a nationally-published author, speaker, consultant, and higher education administrator. Her most recent work Waking Up Grateful: Turning a Painful Past Into a Purposeful Present is available on Amazon. Learn more at www.BeASeedPlanter.com. Photo credit for "Poet for Hire" to Matthew LeJune on Unsplash
Pamela Witter is a published author, fundraiser, and life-long student of leadership. Browse Pam's blog entries for possible conference session or keynote topics. Pam customizes training opportunities for her clients.
Email me at BeASeedPlanter@outlook.com.